Psalm 77: 6-12
"I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart:and my spirit made diligent search. will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favorable no more? Is His mercy clean gone for ever? doth His prmoise fail for evermore? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath He in anger shut up His tender mercies? Se-lah. And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings."
Sometimes when we as human beings, and particularly for Christians, living with and dealing with depression and other issues, finding hope in any circumstance can be an overwhelming challenge.
Finding hope to keep on when circumstances seem so insurmountable, just like the farmer looks unto the horizon for the promise of rain in the form of rain clouds dotting the sky like little dots in a vast sea of infinite blue.
Take a look, for example, at these series of storms we are having this week here in California. Our drought stricken and fire-plagued state has been finally visited with an abundance of rain. Because all of us are fallen human beings, we as people are so used to complaining about either it's raining too much or raining not at all, or gas prices are skyrocketing, or something else is going wrong and we see no way out of it.
Trying to find blessings in the midst of discouragements, trials, sickness, or unemployment or troubled relationships can be so impossible to find. We are so distracted by the cares of this life that we always lose sight of what truly is important and we are blessed with.
The things we consider awful or devastating to us when something first happens to us often seems like our world is coming to an end, but later on, upon reflection, we later see God's bigger picture for us, and His purposes for our lives.
If for some inexplicable reason He sees fit to bless us with hindsight and appreciation for those hard times we fall into, we come to appreciate our hard times and find reasons to sing no matter what our circumstances may be. If we can laugh instead of cry, share instead of holding back, encourage rather than feeling self-pity, than our troubles have ended up bringing us good not only in the short term, but also in the long term as well.
Because we are so fallen, we vascillate back and forth between giving up and feeling despair, or on the other hand, hope and thankfulness. So often trials and sickness bring depression and lethargy along with self-doubt as face our challenges head on. Getting back to the point where we stop and remember God instead of forgetting Him and drowning in our pain, is very hard to do, but as I am finding out over time, not impossible.
Psalm 77:6 says "I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search." We must stop and take the time to reflect. But since we live in an technology drenched society, distractions are innumerable, and finding that quiet time can be hard to do. But, it is so vital to our own well-being and sanity to take the time to stop and reflect, and turn off any distractions while remembering what is really important in life.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Grace Under Fire
I spent most of the morning with my ex-husband and our 9 year old son at the doctor's office. Oh no, it's not our son that needed to go, it's his father, that did. My son and I decided to go with him and give him moral support as he undergoes a series of tests by his doctors at Kaiser because of some medical issues he has been experiencing lately.
Last night my ex-husband confided in me that he feels that something is not right about his health, and that there are days when he suspects that he does not have much time left with our son before he passes away. Oh, just so you know, my former husband is 62, and I am 38. We divorced in 2001 after being married for less than 2 years. Our son was born one month before our divorce was finalized, in June 2000.
Let me say, with a heavy heart that undergoing this journey with the man that I married and later divorced and seeing his health decline while embarking on my journey of forgiveness and healing towards him, is to say the least, very hard. Up until 2005, I spent the previous 4 years engaged in hatred and bitterness and never-ending trips to court, battling my ex-husband on multiple fronts. At first I assumed the woman scorned approach, and thought that worked for me, but in the end, however--I was proven wrong. Oh don't get me wrong, what he did and said to me prior to our divorce was painfully wrong and cruel, and contemptible by all accounts. But, in the end I only hurt my soul, my mind, and my body by holding onto anger and bitterness and losing sight of the bigger picture--our son.
There are days like today that I feel all of the bitterness and disappointment of the past just fall away like water, in light of the brevity of life and the consequences inextricably tied to the process of dying, and leaving those you love behind.
I came to reflect upon the bigger picture and assessed what was more important in terms of our son, for me personally, and finally, my former husband. I realized that anger and blame no longer matters anymore when faced with the possibility that my son may end up growing up without a father as his father was without his at a young age.
Lately I've noticed my ex-husband taking steps to protect his assets and designate them to his family as well as arranging the rest of his affairs. Additionally, I also sensed an urgency in his wanting to be with our son and doing projects together and going places together as father and son. Thankfully, God gave me enough sense to see the bigger picture and gave me the grace to allow unconditional time for each of them and also to make spending every Sunday together as a family (albeit divorced) a top priority.
Today was one of those days where it felt as if we were not divorced. He started and I picked up, and I left off where he picked up. We felt in-sync somehow. The left hand working perfectly with the right.
Last night my ex-husband confided in me that he feels that something is not right about his health, and that there are days when he suspects that he does not have much time left with our son before he passes away. Oh, just so you know, my former husband is 62, and I am 38. We divorced in 2001 after being married for less than 2 years. Our son was born one month before our divorce was finalized, in June 2000.
Let me say, with a heavy heart that undergoing this journey with the man that I married and later divorced and seeing his health decline while embarking on my journey of forgiveness and healing towards him, is to say the least, very hard. Up until 2005, I spent the previous 4 years engaged in hatred and bitterness and never-ending trips to court, battling my ex-husband on multiple fronts. At first I assumed the woman scorned approach, and thought that worked for me, but in the end, however--I was proven wrong. Oh don't get me wrong, what he did and said to me prior to our divorce was painfully wrong and cruel, and contemptible by all accounts. But, in the end I only hurt my soul, my mind, and my body by holding onto anger and bitterness and losing sight of the bigger picture--our son.
There are days like today that I feel all of the bitterness and disappointment of the past just fall away like water, in light of the brevity of life and the consequences inextricably tied to the process of dying, and leaving those you love behind.
I came to reflect upon the bigger picture and assessed what was more important in terms of our son, for me personally, and finally, my former husband. I realized that anger and blame no longer matters anymore when faced with the possibility that my son may end up growing up without a father as his father was without his at a young age.
Lately I've noticed my ex-husband taking steps to protect his assets and designate them to his family as well as arranging the rest of his affairs. Additionally, I also sensed an urgency in his wanting to be with our son and doing projects together and going places together as father and son. Thankfully, God gave me enough sense to see the bigger picture and gave me the grace to allow unconditional time for each of them and also to make spending every Sunday together as a family (albeit divorced) a top priority.
Today was one of those days where it felt as if we were not divorced. He started and I picked up, and I left off where he picked up. We felt in-sync somehow. The left hand working perfectly with the right.
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