Psalm 77: 6-12
"I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart:and my spirit made diligent search. will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favorable no more? Is His mercy clean gone for ever? doth His prmoise fail for evermore? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath He in anger shut up His tender mercies? Se-lah. And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings."
Sometimes when we as human beings, and particularly for Christians, living with and dealing with depression and other issues, finding hope in any circumstance can be an overwhelming challenge.
Finding hope to keep on when circumstances seem so insurmountable, just like the farmer looks unto the horizon for the promise of rain in the form of rain clouds dotting the sky like little dots in a vast sea of infinite blue.
Take a look, for example, at these series of storms we are having this week here in California. Our drought stricken and fire-plagued state has been finally visited with an abundance of rain. Because all of us are fallen human beings, we as people are so used to complaining about either it's raining too much or raining not at all, or gas prices are skyrocketing, or something else is going wrong and we see no way out of it.
Trying to find blessings in the midst of discouragements, trials, sickness, or unemployment or troubled relationships can be so impossible to find. We are so distracted by the cares of this life that we always lose sight of what truly is important and we are blessed with.
The things we consider awful or devastating to us when something first happens to us often seems like our world is coming to an end, but later on, upon reflection, we later see God's bigger picture for us, and His purposes for our lives.
If for some inexplicable reason He sees fit to bless us with hindsight and appreciation for those hard times we fall into, we come to appreciate our hard times and find reasons to sing no matter what our circumstances may be. If we can laugh instead of cry, share instead of holding back, encourage rather than feeling self-pity, than our troubles have ended up bringing us good not only in the short term, but also in the long term as well.
Because we are so fallen, we vascillate back and forth between giving up and feeling despair, or on the other hand, hope and thankfulness. So often trials and sickness bring depression and lethargy along with self-doubt as face our challenges head on. Getting back to the point where we stop and remember God instead of forgetting Him and drowning in our pain, is very hard to do, but as I am finding out over time, not impossible.
Psalm 77:6 says "I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search." We must stop and take the time to reflect. But since we live in an technology drenched society, distractions are innumerable, and finding that quiet time can be hard to do. But, it is so vital to our own well-being and sanity to take the time to stop and reflect, and turn off any distractions while remembering what is really important in life.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Grace Under Fire
I spent most of the morning with my ex-husband and our 9 year old son at the doctor's office. Oh no, it's not our son that needed to go, it's his father, that did. My son and I decided to go with him and give him moral support as he undergoes a series of tests by his doctors at Kaiser because of some medical issues he has been experiencing lately.
Last night my ex-husband confided in me that he feels that something is not right about his health, and that there are days when he suspects that he does not have much time left with our son before he passes away. Oh, just so you know, my former husband is 62, and I am 38. We divorced in 2001 after being married for less than 2 years. Our son was born one month before our divorce was finalized, in June 2000.
Let me say, with a heavy heart that undergoing this journey with the man that I married and later divorced and seeing his health decline while embarking on my journey of forgiveness and healing towards him, is to say the least, very hard. Up until 2005, I spent the previous 4 years engaged in hatred and bitterness and never-ending trips to court, battling my ex-husband on multiple fronts. At first I assumed the woman scorned approach, and thought that worked for me, but in the end, however--I was proven wrong. Oh don't get me wrong, what he did and said to me prior to our divorce was painfully wrong and cruel, and contemptible by all accounts. But, in the end I only hurt my soul, my mind, and my body by holding onto anger and bitterness and losing sight of the bigger picture--our son.
There are days like today that I feel all of the bitterness and disappointment of the past just fall away like water, in light of the brevity of life and the consequences inextricably tied to the process of dying, and leaving those you love behind.
I came to reflect upon the bigger picture and assessed what was more important in terms of our son, for me personally, and finally, my former husband. I realized that anger and blame no longer matters anymore when faced with the possibility that my son may end up growing up without a father as his father was without his at a young age.
Lately I've noticed my ex-husband taking steps to protect his assets and designate them to his family as well as arranging the rest of his affairs. Additionally, I also sensed an urgency in his wanting to be with our son and doing projects together and going places together as father and son. Thankfully, God gave me enough sense to see the bigger picture and gave me the grace to allow unconditional time for each of them and also to make spending every Sunday together as a family (albeit divorced) a top priority.
Today was one of those days where it felt as if we were not divorced. He started and I picked up, and I left off where he picked up. We felt in-sync somehow. The left hand working perfectly with the right.
Last night my ex-husband confided in me that he feels that something is not right about his health, and that there are days when he suspects that he does not have much time left with our son before he passes away. Oh, just so you know, my former husband is 62, and I am 38. We divorced in 2001 after being married for less than 2 years. Our son was born one month before our divorce was finalized, in June 2000.
Let me say, with a heavy heart that undergoing this journey with the man that I married and later divorced and seeing his health decline while embarking on my journey of forgiveness and healing towards him, is to say the least, very hard. Up until 2005, I spent the previous 4 years engaged in hatred and bitterness and never-ending trips to court, battling my ex-husband on multiple fronts. At first I assumed the woman scorned approach, and thought that worked for me, but in the end, however--I was proven wrong. Oh don't get me wrong, what he did and said to me prior to our divorce was painfully wrong and cruel, and contemptible by all accounts. But, in the end I only hurt my soul, my mind, and my body by holding onto anger and bitterness and losing sight of the bigger picture--our son.
There are days like today that I feel all of the bitterness and disappointment of the past just fall away like water, in light of the brevity of life and the consequences inextricably tied to the process of dying, and leaving those you love behind.
I came to reflect upon the bigger picture and assessed what was more important in terms of our son, for me personally, and finally, my former husband. I realized that anger and blame no longer matters anymore when faced with the possibility that my son may end up growing up without a father as his father was without his at a young age.
Lately I've noticed my ex-husband taking steps to protect his assets and designate them to his family as well as arranging the rest of his affairs. Additionally, I also sensed an urgency in his wanting to be with our son and doing projects together and going places together as father and son. Thankfully, God gave me enough sense to see the bigger picture and gave me the grace to allow unconditional time for each of them and also to make spending every Sunday together as a family (albeit divorced) a top priority.
Today was one of those days where it felt as if we were not divorced. He started and I picked up, and I left off where he picked up. We felt in-sync somehow. The left hand working perfectly with the right.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Breaking Old Habits, Learning Healthier Ones
Right now I am re-reading Stephen Covey's classic work: "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I started reading his book about 7 years ago, and since then, got distracted by life, and quickly forgot all about it. With all of this craziness, worry, and tension going on between my ex-husband, me, and our son, I decided to come back to this book and see what needs "tweaking" in my life.
My eyes fell upon the chapter titled, "The Seven Habits--An Overview." I have to admit prior to my getting off the couch and walking away from my depressing TV, I was feeling sorry for myself and fretting over my son's first psychiatric appointment tomorrow morning.
But then, I thought, this is ridiculous! What good will worrying over tomorrow do me now, this evening? "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," Jesus speaks of in His word. That said, I thought, as this time every evening happens to be the most difficult for me when my son is with his father, I can either stew over my problems or I can be proactive, and reclaim my mind and not give any of these harmful thoughts any room whatsoever.
Want to guess what I chose? I chose staying busy and writing!
Covey's opening lines in this chapter quotes Aristotle. Here is what he says: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Covey continues: "Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes.
(still quoting Covey) "Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness..or ineffectiveness."
The main point being here that there are many forces at work and we have to deal with them and fight them.
My eyes fell upon the chapter titled, "The Seven Habits--An Overview." I have to admit prior to my getting off the couch and walking away from my depressing TV, I was feeling sorry for myself and fretting over my son's first psychiatric appointment tomorrow morning.
But then, I thought, this is ridiculous! What good will worrying over tomorrow do me now, this evening? "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," Jesus speaks of in His word. That said, I thought, as this time every evening happens to be the most difficult for me when my son is with his father, I can either stew over my problems or I can be proactive, and reclaim my mind and not give any of these harmful thoughts any room whatsoever.
Want to guess what I chose? I chose staying busy and writing!
Covey's opening lines in this chapter quotes Aristotle. Here is what he says: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Covey continues: "Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes.
(still quoting Covey) "Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness..or ineffectiveness."
The main point being here that there are many forces at work and we have to deal with them and fight them.
Farewell to A Dear Friend
Dying in Christ: And What It Means to Bear One
Another's Burdens
Final thoughts and Journey of Richard Miller
Monday, September 21, 2009
Waiting
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 2 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted"
The weekend Joe and I went up to check on Richard at his home in San Marcos, to our great concern we realized that something was not right. We were just a few blocks away from his house when Richard came to pick us up. On the way back to his house Richard was too weak to drive back, so he asked if I could drive us there.
From that moment on all of our efforts and focus was on helping Richard and getting the answers he so desperately needed from the doctors as to what was going on with his health.
The next day on Monday, September 21st I took Richard to the VA for a previously scheduled appointment with his doctor. He was previously scheduled for a procedure and we had thought it was to be on that day. It was not. We arrived there about an hour early, and found ourselves talking about the Lord and his departure from this life. More specifically, Richard talked about his "homecoming."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 2 came to his mind as he discussed the power of God in all aspects of His creation and the stages of life from conception to death. "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth." (Richard's words emphasized here in bold)
Silence wrapped around us for a few moments as he meditated on the meaning of this verse. Patients came in and out of the doctor's offices and family members sat around us in the waiting room. A nice couple sat down to my left and listened to our conversation with great interest. Richard's eyes brightened with interest as he noticed them watching and listening to us.
What started off this spirited discussion was the subject of health care and President Obama's plan to reform the whole health care system. Richard asked what the term "hospital" means and where is this word derived from? More importantly, where in scripture does the terms hospital and hospitality fit in in accordance with God and His people, in terms of one anothering, and being our brother's keeper?
After some thought, the Lord brought to mind His words in Matthew 25: 34-37: "Then the King will say to those on His right hand, "Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me."
"Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, "Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink: When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? And the Kind will answer and say to them, "Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as You did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me."
As soon as Richard heard these words, he was moved deeply to tears. For a few moments he said nothing as he meditated on the impact of these scriptures. "That's it! these verses really ties in well e
Psalm 116:15: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."
Richard Edward Miller
March 17, 1938 - October 5, 2009xplicitly with what the whole concept of hospitals and hospitality, are all about."
During these moments Richard was interrupted by several bouts of intense pain raging throughout his body. As the pain subsided, his face relaxed and the joy of the Lord overcame him.
Remembering and Transformation
As we navigated our way in and out of the emergency room and doctor's offices, managing the physical discomforts associated with his illness took top priority each day. Along the way Richard witnessed to patients, doctors and nurses, as well as his neighbors.
When the results came back from his CT Scan indicating the presence of cancer, the medical personnel were stunned by his joyous response and words over his imminent departure: "I'm going home! I'm going home!" It was quite clear that the doctors and nurses were not at all expecting such a positive response to these heartbreaking news, and that in itself, gave God the glory and spoke so wondrously through this overwhelming moment. The staff worried about how Richard would take this diagnosis, but, it was Richard who gave them comfort and testimony through his response.
Later that evening when we were back at the house, Richard asked me to read from God's Word to him. Psalm 103: 14 came to mind: "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust."
Richard repeated these words aloud: "For He knoweth our frame; He remembers that we are dust." A few days later Joe and Caleb came up to spend time with him and to express their love for him. Before the evening was through Joe and Richard cried as they spoke of their deep friendship and feelings over the closing of their earthly bond.
Words of Thanks and Love for Church Family of Zion
As Richard and Joe closed their visit Richard best summed up his feelings for all of his church family in Zion as also expressed by the apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21-23: "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. (don't know) For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you."
Richard asked me to read the beautiful handmade card presented to him by Elder Gamble's daughter and the loving thoughts by everyone in Zion. He was profoundly touched by all of the love and appreciation expressed to him in it. Please know and be assured of his deep love and regard for each and every one of you, dear church family. Your love and prayers sustained him until the very end.
Richard wished he could have seen and spoke with all of you in his remaining days and hours, but his body started to give out on him. It was most painful deciding whom to see and talk with, as he loved each and every one of you most fervently.
But it greatly encouraged him to know that his ministry and REM will live on in the lives of those whom he has touched along the way. Here are some closing thoughts as we all reflect as a family on his passing and the joy he found along the way: 1 Corinthians 15: 58: "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."
Another's Burdens
Final thoughts and Journey of Richard Miller
Monday, September 21, 2009
Waiting
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 2 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted"
The weekend Joe and I went up to check on Richard at his home in San Marcos, to our great concern we realized that something was not right. We were just a few blocks away from his house when Richard came to pick us up. On the way back to his house Richard was too weak to drive back, so he asked if I could drive us there.
From that moment on all of our efforts and focus was on helping Richard and getting the answers he so desperately needed from the doctors as to what was going on with his health.
The next day on Monday, September 21st I took Richard to the VA for a previously scheduled appointment with his doctor. He was previously scheduled for a procedure and we had thought it was to be on that day. It was not. We arrived there about an hour early, and found ourselves talking about the Lord and his departure from this life. More specifically, Richard talked about his "homecoming."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 2 came to his mind as he discussed the power of God in all aspects of His creation and the stages of life from conception to death. "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth." (Richard's words emphasized here in bold)
Silence wrapped around us for a few moments as he meditated on the meaning of this verse. Patients came in and out of the doctor's offices and family members sat around us in the waiting room. A nice couple sat down to my left and listened to our conversation with great interest. Richard's eyes brightened with interest as he noticed them watching and listening to us.
What started off this spirited discussion was the subject of health care and President Obama's plan to reform the whole health care system. Richard asked what the term "hospital" means and where is this word derived from? More importantly, where in scripture does the terms hospital and hospitality fit in in accordance with God and His people, in terms of one anothering, and being our brother's keeper?
After some thought, the Lord brought to mind His words in Matthew 25: 34-37: "Then the King will say to those on His right hand, "Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me."
"Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, "Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink: When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? And the Kind will answer and say to them, "Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as You did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me."
As soon as Richard heard these words, he was moved deeply to tears. For a few moments he said nothing as he meditated on the impact of these scriptures. "That's it! these verses really ties in well e
Psalm 116:15: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."
Richard Edward Miller
March 17, 1938 - October 5, 2009xplicitly with what the whole concept of hospitals and hospitality, are all about."
During these moments Richard was interrupted by several bouts of intense pain raging throughout his body. As the pain subsided, his face relaxed and the joy of the Lord overcame him.
Remembering and Transformation
As we navigated our way in and out of the emergency room and doctor's offices, managing the physical discomforts associated with his illness took top priority each day. Along the way Richard witnessed to patients, doctors and nurses, as well as his neighbors.
When the results came back from his CT Scan indicating the presence of cancer, the medical personnel were stunned by his joyous response and words over his imminent departure: "I'm going home! I'm going home!" It was quite clear that the doctors and nurses were not at all expecting such a positive response to these heartbreaking news, and that in itself, gave God the glory and spoke so wondrously through this overwhelming moment. The staff worried about how Richard would take this diagnosis, but, it was Richard who gave them comfort and testimony through his response.
Later that evening when we were back at the house, Richard asked me to read from God's Word to him. Psalm 103: 14 came to mind: "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust."
Richard repeated these words aloud: "For He knoweth our frame; He remembers that we are dust." A few days later Joe and Caleb came up to spend time with him and to express their love for him. Before the evening was through Joe and Richard cried as they spoke of their deep friendship and feelings over the closing of their earthly bond.
Words of Thanks and Love for Church Family of Zion
As Richard and Joe closed their visit Richard best summed up his feelings for all of his church family in Zion as also expressed by the apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21-23: "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. (don't know) For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you."
Richard asked me to read the beautiful handmade card presented to him by Elder Gamble's daughter and the loving thoughts by everyone in Zion. He was profoundly touched by all of the love and appreciation expressed to him in it. Please know and be assured of his deep love and regard for each and every one of you, dear church family. Your love and prayers sustained him until the very end.
Richard wished he could have seen and spoke with all of you in his remaining days and hours, but his body started to give out on him. It was most painful deciding whom to see and talk with, as he loved each and every one of you most fervently.
But it greatly encouraged him to know that his ministry and REM will live on in the lives of those whom he has touched along the way. Here are some closing thoughts as we all reflect as a family on his passing and the joy he found along the way: 1 Corinthians 15: 58: "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Life is More Than Things You Own
A Stitch In Time
The Fabric of Creation is really quite profound. Wisdom from above is above all, sound. Its stitches are intricately sown, each color and pattern as yet is to be known. For most of us here on this Earth, the beginnings of life begin with our birth.
Two parents, a dream, and hopes for this life are all that is needed. Along the way come challenges and risks—but these are the stitches that are seeded.
Just who and what will determine our patterns—our choices and learning are really what matters.
A few steps here, a few steps there. We breathe in and out, and for some this is quite rare. As we inhabit this same space, we see ourselves in this human race.
Our quilt by and large is mostly quite colorful—what we will do with it should hopefully turn out beautiful.
Some dare to try to unravel what others see in our quilts our need to travel. The length of years we all cannot see, for it is but God who gives us His decree.
Singing, dancing, writing, and caring are the needle, thread, and fabric we’re wearing. Who will we resemble we will often ask? Finding our place in this world can be a difficult task.
But laughing and giving and sharing we must—as the needle and threads are mingled with dust. The heavens declare His handiwork—our duties to Him we must never shirk.
I hope this reflection helps you with this—finding your pattern and with that all, bliss. As our time nears God is the one who will gather our fabric and tears—and lay them at His feet. This thought is really quite sweet. He counts each tear; each thread closest to Him is so very dear.
by Rebecca Cervantes
Created: May 15, 2008
The Fabric of Creation is really quite profound. Wisdom from above is above all, sound. Its stitches are intricately sown, each color and pattern as yet is to be known. For most of us here on this Earth, the beginnings of life begin with our birth.
Two parents, a dream, and hopes for this life are all that is needed. Along the way come challenges and risks—but these are the stitches that are seeded.
Just who and what will determine our patterns—our choices and learning are really what matters.
A few steps here, a few steps there. We breathe in and out, and for some this is quite rare. As we inhabit this same space, we see ourselves in this human race.
Our quilt by and large is mostly quite colorful—what we will do with it should hopefully turn out beautiful.
Some dare to try to unravel what others see in our quilts our need to travel. The length of years we all cannot see, for it is but God who gives us His decree.
Singing, dancing, writing, and caring are the needle, thread, and fabric we’re wearing. Who will we resemble we will often ask? Finding our place in this world can be a difficult task.
But laughing and giving and sharing we must—as the needle and threads are mingled with dust. The heavens declare His handiwork—our duties to Him we must never shirk.
I hope this reflection helps you with this—finding your pattern and with that all, bliss. As our time nears God is the one who will gather our fabric and tears—and lay them at His feet. This thought is really quite sweet. He counts each tear; each thread closest to Him is so very dear.
by Rebecca Cervantes
Created: May 15, 2008
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